Did you ever feel like you were caught up in a Three Stooges’ script? No, not bending a crowbar over a colleague’s cranium with comic rather than grisly results. I mean putting yourself in a ludicrous position, a situation dumb enough to warrant a smack from Moe and the accompanying imprecation, “im-be-cile.” Well, I haven’t either.
Did you ever feel like you were caught up in a Three Stooges’ script?
No, not bending a crowbar over a colleague’s cranium with comic rather than grisly results.
I mean putting yourself in a ludicrous position, a situation dumb enough to warrant a smack from Moe and the accompanying imprecation, “im-be-cile.”
Well, I haven’t either.
But if I ever had such an experience, it might go something like what I heard happened to this other guy.
See, this other guy had to bring some pants to the tailor to have the metal fastening button reattached.
So this guy was worried that he would misplace the metal fastening button.
At first he was going to put it in his wallet, but he thought that might be less than comfortable on the drive over.
Then he thought he might put it in his pocket. But then this guy thought, no, the button could get mixed up in his change and lost.
Why not just carry it in his hand, the guy then thought, and place it in the change holder once inside the car?
But that meant he should start carrying it in his hand now, he thought, while he was still inside his home making preparations to leave. His prep work included watching TV for another 20 minutes or so.
That seemed impractical.
Flash forward 35 minutes, and this guy is pulling in front of the tailor’s shop.
He steps out of the car and crosses over to the passenger’s door, opens it and takes out the pants.
This guy then walks toward the tailor shop’s door.
It’s then he discovers he never quite made up his mind what he was going to do with the metal fastening button so he wouldn’t lose it.
He checks his wallet.
Checks his pants pockets.
So this guy goes back to the car to check the change holder. This he does by opening the passenger side door and leaning within.
Nothing there but pennies.
So this guy decides he’s going to be thorough and empty his pockets on the passenger’s seat. This he proceeds to do, until the contents are all on the seat, including his car keys.
He closes the car door at the same instant, well, a little after the same instant that he remembers all the doors are locked.
This guy realizes he has placed himself in a Three Stooges situation so he begins searching his mind for a Three Stooges solution.
What would Moe do? He’d hit someone.
That seemed impractical.
What would Curly do? He’d say, “Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.”
That seemed less than helpful.
What would Shemp do? He’d break the passenger’s side window.
That seemed too drastic.
How about Larry? He was always the cerebral one.
Larry might check the windows for a crack.
And the porcupine was right. The driver’s side window was open just wide enough to accommodate a stick long enough to flip the lock and open the door.
As the guy drove away, he said he could almost hear strains from The Three Stooges theme song, “Three Blind Mice.”
He never found the button, but that was probably part of the subplot.
Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media New England’s Raynham, Mass., office, and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.