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I dread the coming of the lottery.
Let me make it very clear that I’m not making any kind of political or social statement there. This is purely personal. When there’s an Arkansas lottery, Leroy Joe Bob or Bubba Jr. will have more opportunities to play than they have now when they have to drive miles to get a couple of tickets. If the two were to hit the lottery, I’m not at all sure that they’d survive.
For anyone who has missed my introduction of Leroy Joe Bob and Bubba Jr., these two can come up with some incredible ideas. One of the few limitations is that they can’t always afford to make their ideas into reality. If the money issue is eliminated – say if they hit the $329 million power ball or whatever the lottery thing is called – I’m not sure they’d survive.
Of course, the guys have taught me that there are some things that you just don’t waste money on anyway. Let me stop here and say that their version of “waste” and mine are miles apart. On a seven-hour trip to Mississippi, two four-minute restroom breaks are – according to them – a waste of time. Because if we hadn’t wasted that time, we could have made the drive in a smooth six hours, fifty-two minutes.
To most people, those weren’t wasted minutes, they were necessity. There are a lot of things that would qualify as waste to Leroy Joe Bob and Bubba Jr. and there are some things they probably wouldn’t buy, even if they hit the 329-million power ball thing.
A fire truck doesn’t make the list of wasteful purchases. A few months ago, the guys came home from their trip to preview an auction more excited than usual. It turns out that an equipment auction they regularly attend included a fire truck. Leroy Joe Bob and Bubba Jr. were running around looking for all the change they could dig up in the couch cushions to put toward their fire truck fund. I haven’t yet seen the fire truck but I’m never certain of what they bought. There may very well be a fire truck parked in the back yard of a relative’s house somewhere, waiting for the moment when the guys find me in a good mood to tell me that we have a fire truck.
For some time now, they’ve had their eyes on an airplane. They call this thing an “ultra-glide.” The word “ultra-glide” is, I think, supposed to conjure up images of a child’s Styrofoam toy, swooping in graceful arcs toward the grass at something like a 20-degree angle. When you hear the idea the guys have for learning to pilot this thing, the image changes to twisted metal and broken bones.
Bubba Jr. and Leroy Joe Bob are saving up to buy the plane. But they aren’t saving up for flying lessons. Instead, they’ve come up with a plan. There is some empty pasture land nearby and their idea is this: They’ll taxi across the pasture, fly up just a bit – a few feet at most – and land. The logic is twofold.
1. If they mess up from a height of six feet, the damage to them and the plane will be minimal.
2. If they can land from an altitude of six feet, they can land from an altitude of six hundred feet.
What’s interesting here is that I can’t refute their logic. They’ve convinced folks that it’ll be easy – once they can land – to make a quick run to the Gulf to pick up fresh shrimp for a barbecue or to Fayetteville to visit the grandkids (they have a pasture too).
As always, I’ll be somewhere close (but not too close), sitting in my lawn chair to watch their adventure. If you need something picked up from Tulsa, let me know.
Wendy Ledbetter is the editor for the Gurdon Times and can be reached at wendylledbetter@yahoo.com
I dread the coming of the lottery.
Let me make it very clear that I’m not making any kind of political or social statement there. This is purely personal. When there’s an Arkansas lottery, Leroy Joe Bob or Bubba Jr. will have more opportunities to play than they have now when they have to drive miles to get a couple of tickets. If the two were to hit the lottery, I’m not at all sure that they’d survive.
For anyone who has missed my introduction of Leroy Joe Bob and Bubba Jr., these two can come up with some incredible ideas. One of the few limitations is that they can’t always afford to make their ideas into reality. If the money issue is eliminated – say if they hit the $329 million power ball or whatever the lottery thing is called – I’m not sure they’d survive.
Of course, the guys have taught me that there are some things that you just don’t waste money on anyway. Let me stop here and say that their version of “waste” and mine are miles apart. On a seven-hour trip to Mississippi, two four-minute restroom breaks are – according to them – a waste of time. Because if we hadn’t wasted that time, we could have made the drive in a smooth six hours, fifty-two minutes.
To most people, those weren’t wasted minutes, they were necessity. There are a lot of things that would qualify as waste to Leroy Joe Bob and Bubba Jr. and there are some things they probably wouldn’t buy, even if they hit the 329-million power ball thing.
A fire truck doesn’t make the list of wasteful purchases. A few months ago, the guys came home from their trip to preview an auction more excited than usual. It turns out that an equipment auction they regularly attend included a fire truck. Leroy Joe Bob and Bubba Jr. were running around looking for all the change they could dig up in the couch cushions to put toward their fire truck fund. I haven’t yet seen the fire truck but I’m never certain of what they bought. There may very well be a fire truck parked in the back yard of a relative’s house somewhere, waiting for the moment when the guys find me in a good mood to tell me that we have a fire truck.
For some time now, they’ve had their eyes on an airplane. They call this thing an “ultra-glide.” The word “ultra-glide” is, I think, supposed to conjure up images of a child’s Styrofoam toy, swooping in graceful arcs toward the grass at something like a 20-degree angle. When you hear the idea the guys have for learning to pilot this thing, the image changes to twisted metal and broken bones.
Bubba Jr. and Leroy Joe Bob are saving up to buy the plane. But they aren’t saving up for flying lessons. Instead, they’ve come up with a plan. There is some empty pasture land nearby and their idea is this: They’ll taxi across the pasture, fly up just a bit – a few feet at most – and land. The logic is twofold.
1. If they mess up from a height of six feet, the damage to them and the plane will be minimal.
2. If they can land from an altitude of six feet, they can land from an altitude of six hundred feet.
What’s interesting here is that I can’t refute their logic. They’ve convinced folks that it’ll be easy – once they can land – to make a quick run to the Gulf to pick up fresh shrimp for a barbecue or to Fayetteville to visit the grandkids (they have a pasture too).
As always, I’ll be somewhere close (but not too close), sitting in my lawn chair to watch their adventure. If you need something picked up from Tulsa, let me know.
Wendy Ledbetter is the editor for the Gurdon Times and can be reached at wendylledbetter@yahoo.com
